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My Response to Fear

Fear has to have a place and will demand my attention, so these homework assignments gives fear a voice, embrace that voice and make a plan, but without allowing fear to control the plan. It’s my life.

Petticoat Junkshun

Last week, fear wrote me a letter with it’s list of possible catastrophes and that list really only took about three minutes to write. Even after sleeping on it, fear couldn’t add to the list. That was a relief.

When I posted on social media, (and I was scared to do that too, but it’s done!) I got some great response, but I failed to mention a really important detail to this exercise that Gilbert explains. Fear is part of me. Fear is going to go on every journey. It is going to be a part of every decision in my life. It’s time I stop being afraid of fear and just embrace it. Maybe then, it won’t control me. At least I am going to approach this with curiosity.

So I have to take it with me. Fear has to have a place and will demand my attention, so…

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Posted in Basic Adulting, The adult playground

Fear’s Letter

I think the most intangible reason why we quit, don’t start or put off resolutions, intentions and goals is because of our fear. I know that has certainly been my culprit. I just want to stop being so scared. It’s debilitating and I am in my 40s, so I don’t have much time left.

Petticoat Junkshun

I think the most intangible reason why we quit, don’t start or put off resolutions, intentions and goals is because of our fear. I know that has certainly been my culprit. I just want to stop being so scared. It’s debilitating and I am in my 40s, so I don’t have much time left.

I have read Elizabeth Gilbert. That famous book of hers, Eat, Pray, Love.I admit that I also read it during my 30s and had so much disdain for it because of my own self-esteem. I enjoyed the book, but I wasn’t mature enough to really get it. I may have to do a reread.

However, I listen to her commentary more on podcasts and a TED talk. I follow her on Instagram and Twitter and find a lot of inspirational truth in what she says about creativity.

I subscribe to a phone app called Calm…

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Forgiveness Challenge Day 11

When that anger and hurt overtakes us. Just breathe. After you breathe, call it what it is. Hurt. Frustration. Anger. Despair. Repeat it until you feel its power fade a little.

Petticoat Junkshun

I blew my top. I really should keep up with writing practice because it really helps. It’s my creative way to manage stress. Earlier in this series, I talked about Megan Bettencourt’s process of “noticing.”  Noticing when that old hurt comes up and the emotions attached to it. Today’s meditation also recommended noticing and labeling the feeling or activity to eliminate its power. 

Like these trees in a recent storm, imagine your roots growing deep and broad during emotional *storms*

I guess I have some lessons to learn.  Blowing up isn’t the best way to communicate my boundaries.

After everyone calmed down, I did finally find the words. The words to communicate my worries, my grievances and my boundaries. Our power dynamic is uneven because one of the people happens to be my son and I feel like I have the upper hand although I don’t. At least not if…

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Forgiveness Challenge Day 10:

I need to confront is be able to communicate my boundaries effectively and honestly. Leave out the spite.

Petticoat Junkshun

I am starting this post with what I left from the last post.

“Give up expecting things from your life or from other people that they do not choose to give you. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship, and prosperity, and work hard to get them. However, these are “unenforceable rules”: You will suffer when you demand that these things occur, since you do not have the power to make them happen.”

There is a lot of peace to this quote, but I think there is a lot of loneliness too. I realize that we are going through life alone. Not one person can really feel what I feel. They can only feel how they feel towards my situation or feelings and I think that is what keeps us from feeling lonely. That intention is worth more than if we were able to control what other…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 9

“Give up expecting things from your life or from other people that they do not choose to give you. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship, and prosperity, and work hard to get them. However, these are “unenforceable rules”: You will suffer when you demand that these things occur, since you do not have the power to make them happen.”

Petticoat Junkshun

Compassion overflows.  I enjoy how much strength being kind, gentle and tenderhearted provides me. During a time that I have stress about finances because I am looking for more work, I feel this inner strength that decreases the panic and instills hope, even when situations and people are shitty.

Now if I can stay strong as I continue to look for work, a humbling and downright defeating occupation. My habit is to blame extrinsic forces. I engage in bad self-talk and anxiety again. I imagine how unskilled potential employers must view me, leading me to anger again about what I am trying to forgive in a couple of people.

Ugh!!

screenshot_20181006-061838_calm Is this what it is about?

I am pondering if forgiveness is a cyclical process of re-evaluation or if I just keep ruminating.

The next lesson: Forgiveness Challenge Day 9

A really difficult, yet necessary challenge for me is something…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 8

forgiveness also forces us to break through and show ourselves-even the broken parts glued together with a silver lining.

Petticoat Junkshun


So I read another person’s post and I can relate to the hurt.
I thought it would be a good idea to disclose that although I am writing a challenge that is a linear time frame, forgiveness is more cyclical and for some, chaotic.
So some days may take longer than others or you may want to revisit a day. I am still mulling over evaluation. However, I want to share something I heard in a mediation yesterday. There is a Japanese concept called Kintsugi, which means to repair something broken using an epoxy with gold, silver or platinum dust that illuminates the breaks as part of the object. Kintsugi shows history.

That’s part of what makes forgiveness so hard. Some of our history is painful. Reparation takes work and forces us to show our vulnerability and emotions. We live in a culture that teaches us to…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 7

Remember the offense or hurt. How do you feel about it now? Does it bring up the same raw emotions or do you have a different perspective or both? How has it affected your life? How does it still affect your life? Do you still seek an apology? Do you want something in your life to change that is impacted by the offense? Does the offender even know?

Petticoat Junkshun

I was aiming to have a post about forgiveness every day. I laugh at myself because of this far reaching goal. A) This is a tough topic to mull through and B) I went to the Grand Canyon.

I guess my traveling hiatus was a good way to come back fresh and commit to the next challenge, which is to re-evaluate my grievances.

Before, I continue that, let me revisit my experience of forgiving myself. It’s been an anxious and annoying return from our trip. Part of the trip was anxious and annoying because we arrived in pouring rain and it was cold. My husband and I did something wrong with the tent and water pooled and dripped inside making sleep cold and uncomfortable. I was not my most gracious self and all of us were grouchy and took it out on each other. I love the outdoors and I…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 6

Maybe you have done and said things you feel badly about now. Try apologizing without conditions. And, take care of yourself because you are probably pretty cool.

Petticoat Junkshun

So thinking of empathy was a bit of a wash for me because I went in circles about the hurts and offenses again. I was stuck in a rut. I remember committing the same hurts and although, I have moved on, I feel guilty about the hurts I have caused. While I repair my offenses through apologies and compassion, I feel better and I hope my victim does too. I am impatient with my offenders and want them to provide me the same compassion. I guess we both need more time and that is how I can be more compassionate and forgiving.
 
I also think that an abused person can’t always muster empathy for their abuser. Empathy is not a rule for forgiveness. Yet, there is research that claims forgiveness decreases symptoms of PTSD allowing for post-traumatic-stress growth.
 

screenshot_20181010-061557_calm Screenshot from my Calm App meditation Guidance for today.

Day…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 5

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their on mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.”

Petticoat Junkshun

Most of the hurts I have experienced are usually unintentional. If they were intentional, then they were relatively small. I really can’t say that I am super attached to figuring this out or I have actually moved beyond it. I know that people hurt because they are either sociopaths, which I believe is a hurt all on it’s own or they have pain.
 
Pain alters our minds and actions. It puts us in a kind of survival mode that is primordial and doesn’t represent who we really are. I understand that. I get it and that helps to move the forgiveness process along. I reflect on the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the quote:
“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their on mind; they are in a completely different world…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 4

While in a conversation today, I did have some cringe moments about an issue that has put a pit in my stomach since childhood. I just shrugged my shoulders to it when I noticed it and told myself that this person is an adult and her continuous fumbles over the same issues is her business and not mine. Then I devoured a salad. I figured out a way to just manage it. It doesn’t mean that the topic was not stressful, but I didn’t let it rule my day.

Petticoat Junkshun

20181004_100117While in a conversation today, I did have some cringe moments about an issue that has put a pit in my stomach since childhood. I just shrugged my shoulders to it when I noticed it and told myself that this person is an adult and her continuous fumbles over the same issues is her business and not mine. Then I devoured a salad. I figured out a way to just manage it. It doesn’t mean that the topic was not stressful, but I didn’t let it rule my day.
 
This part of the challenge doesn’t end here. This is continuous and maybe even jot some of what you notice and how you handle it down.
 
For tomorrow continue with noticing, but also think about the unintentional parts of the hurt. Did this person have circumstances in their lives that contributed to their actions? This isn’t an excuse more…

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