I started to work out more. I ate better. The weight of guilt, anger, sadness and fat that I had been carrying just fell off. I felt peace, empathy, methodical. I still had ugly bad self-talk flare ups and that is what I am trying to decrease in my life.
I have had some personal experiences over the past few months that have really changed my perspective and I experience more joy. This joy, even on the tired days gives me motivation to take better care of myself. I owe some of that to just going out with children last fall and running with them on a cross-country team. The act of running and the anxiety that came with whether or not I would finish, but would finish anyway lit something up. I can’t really put my finger on it.
Part of it is that running that long that quickly made me feel physically awful and I abandoned the habit of drinking alcohol every night. I also stayed in the present. I felt the pain in my legs and hips, my lungs and heart pumping just to breathe and I had a bunch of little kids running with me…
Like any other human, I have fears, plans, joys. I engage in bad self-talk and I am at a crossroads as I get older because we get to watch our loved ones die more often now. We have mental illness in our family and I am still trying to understand it and strive to encourage success in my loved ones and crush the stigma. I am a culinary artist, group fitness instructor. I love nature and I enjoy writing about my heart on my sleeve.
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