Author: Sarah Haynes

Like any other human, I have fears, plans, joys. I engage in bad self-talk and I am at a crossroads as I get older because we get to watch our loved ones die more often now. We have mental illness in our family and I am still trying to understand it and strive to encourage success in my loved ones and crush the stigma. I am a culinary artist, group fitness instructor. I love nature and I enjoy writing about my heart on my sleeve.
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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 8

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

forgiveness also forces us to break through and show ourselves-even the broken parts glued together with a silver lining.

Petticoat Junkshun


So I read another person’s post and I can relate to the hurt. I thought it would be a good idea to disclose that although I am writing a challenge that is a linear time frame, forgiveness is more cyclical and for some, chaotic.
So some days may take longer than others or you may want to revisit a day. I am still mulling over evaluation. However, I want to share something I heard in a mediation yesterday. There is a Japanese concept called Kintsugi, which means to repair something broken using an epoxy with gold, silver or platinum dust that illuminates the breaks as part of the object. Kintsugi shows history.

That’s part of what makes forgiveness so hard. Some of our history is painful. Reparation takes work and forces us to show our vulnerability and emotions. We live in a culture that teaches us to…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 7

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

Remember the offense or hurt. How do you feel about it now? Does it bring up the same raw emotions or do you have a different perspective or both? How has it affected your life? How does it still affect your life? Do you still seek an apology? Do you want something in your life to change that is impacted by the offense? Does the offender even know?

Petticoat Junkshun

I was aiming to have a post about forgiveness every day. I laugh at myself because of this far reaching goal. A) This is a tough topic to mull through and B) I went to the Grand Canyon.

I guess my traveling hiatus was a good way to come back fresh and commit to the next challenge, which is to re-evaluate my grievances.

Before, I continue that, let me revisit my experience of forgiving myself. It’s been an anxious and annoying return from our trip. Part of the trip was anxious and annoying because we arrived in pouring rain and it was cold. My husband and I did something wrong with the tent and water pooled and dripped inside making sleep cold and uncomfortable. I was not my most gracious self and all of us were grouchy and took it out on each other. I love the outdoors and I…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 6

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

Maybe you have done and said things you feel badly about now. Try apologizing without conditions. And, take care of yourself because you are probably pretty cool.

Petticoat Junkshun

So thinking of empathy was a bit of a wash for me because I went in circles about the hurts and offenses again. I was stuck in a rut. I remember committing the same hurts and although, I have moved on, I feel guilty about the hurts I have caused. While I repair my offenses through apologies and compassion, I feel better and I hope my victim does too. I am impatient with my offenders and want them to provide me the same compassion. I guess we both need more time and that is how I can be more compassionate and forgiving.
 
I also think that an abused person can’t always muster empathy for their abuser. Empathy is not a rule for forgiveness. Yet, there is research that claims forgiveness decreases symptoms of PTSD allowing for post-traumatic-stress growth.
 

screenshot_20181010-061557_calm Screenshot from my Calm App meditation Guidance for today.

Day…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 5

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their on mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.”

Petticoat Junkshun

Most of the hurts I have experienced are usually unintentional. If they were intentional, then they were relatively small. I really can’t say that I am super attached to figuring this out or I have actually moved beyond it. I know that people hurt because they are either sociopaths, which I believe is a hurt all on it’s own or they have pain.
 
Pain alters our minds and actions. It puts us in a kind of survival mode that is primordial and doesn’t represent who we really are. I understand that. I get it and that helps to move the forgiveness process along. I reflect on the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and the quote:
“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their on mind; they are in a completely different world…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 4

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

While in a conversation today, I did have some cringe moments about an issue that has put a pit in my stomach since childhood. I just shrugged my shoulders to it when I noticed it and told myself that this person is an adult and her continuous fumbles over the same issues is her business and not mine. Then I devoured a salad. I figured out a way to just manage it. It doesn’t mean that the topic was not stressful, but I didn’t let it rule my day.

Petticoat Junkshun

20181004_100117While in a conversation today, I did have some cringe moments about an issue that has put a pit in my stomach since childhood. I just shrugged my shoulders to it when I noticed it and told myself that this person is an adult and her continuous fumbles over the same issues is her business and not mine. Then I devoured a salad. I figured out a way to just manage it. It doesn’t mean that the topic was not stressful, but I didn’t let it rule my day.
 
This part of the challenge doesn’t end here. This is continuous and maybe even jot some of what you notice and how you handle it down.
 
For tomorrow continue with noticing, but also think about the unintentional parts of the hurt. Did this person have circumstances in their lives that contributed to their actions? This isn’t an excuse more…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 3

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

When we are betrayed, it is almost impossible to feel any kind of empathy for that person. Even if we really sit down and think about why a person betrays another, I relate it to a deep pain the betrayer feels, but sometimes the betrayer doesn’t admit it or even know it.

Petticoat Junkshun

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When we are betrayed, it is almost impossible to feel any kind of empathy for that person. Even if we really sit down and think about why a person betrays another, I relate it to a deep pain the betrayer feels, but sometimes the betrayer doesn’t admit it or even know it. I want the betrayer to know and be accountable for his/her own pain because knowing is half the battle to at least an apology or refraining from making the same mistakes.
After comforting a friend today after severe heartbreak, this is what I am thinking. Finding empathy is pretty tough. I have been working on it so it is easy for me, but I don’t believe that finding empathy is so easy for all offenses. That is maybe a part of the forgiveness that you may need to revisit later.
I do know that it’s helpful to repeat…

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Forgiveness Challenge: Day 2

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

1. How do you deal with the anger, hurt or resentment that comes up when you think about the person or offense?
2. How do your methods define what happens to the remainder of your day?
3. Imagine if you did forgive the person, what would your day look like? What productive pursuits can you accomplish if you weren’t so drained? How would this other life make you feel?

Petticoat Junkshun

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So I have to admit that I got something in the mail today that just got under my skin. I had to have a pep talk with myself that it’s okay that I cannot control the situation that is still happening. I did get over it pretty quickly, but this is what I mean. Sometimes a tangible item, a smell or just a thought would determine my entire day. Yet, it is good to notice when this happens and that is why this exercise is pretty essential.
Noticing: Part 2
1. How do you deal with the anger, hurt or resentment that comes up when you think about the person or offense?
2. How do your methods define what happens to the remainder of your day?
3. Imagine if you did forgive the person, what would your day look like? What productive pursuits can you accomplish if you weren’t so…

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Personal 30 Day Challenge 1: Forgive

Posted on by Sarah Haynes

I started to work out more. I ate better. The weight of guilt, anger, sadness and fat that I had been carrying just fell off. I felt peace, empathy, methodical. I still had ugly bad self-talk flare ups and that is what I am trying to decrease in my life.

Petticoat Junkshun

I have had some personal experiences over the past few months that have really changed my perspective and I experience more joy. This joy, even on the tired days gives me motivation to take better care of myself. I owe some of that to just going out with children last fall and running with them on a cross-country team. The act of running and the anxiety that came with whether or not I would finish, but would finish anyway lit something up. I can’t really put my finger on it.
 
Part of it is that running that long that quickly made me feel physically awful and I abandoned the habit of drinking alcohol every night. I also stayed in the present. I felt the pain in my legs and hips, my lungs and heart pumping just to breathe and I had a bunch of little kids running with me…

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