Posted in Advanced Motherhood, Basic Adulting, mental health, The adult playground

Scarcity: Pursuit of Happiness

My son took this photo while I was at work and he used a silly face filter and shared it.
I laugh at it today, but 2 years ago. I did feel very much like this filter because I was feeling down
and very entangled in the hustle when I really needed a break.

When I get that job, I will be happy.

When I lose 10 pounds I will start dating again

When my boyfriend finally puts that ring on my finger, I can start planning the rest of my life

When I can afford that classic car, I will go on more road trips.

When I can bench press just another 25 pounds, I will feel strong.

When I get my doctorate degree, I will make more money.

When I make more money, I can spend more time with my family

When I get that promotion, I can finally take more time off

If I can eat healthier, I will lose weight

If I get that job, my family will be happier

If I could make just a little more money, I can buy that car

If I can buy that car, I can appear more attractive to women

If I could keep my house cleaner, I could have friends over more often

If I had a bigger house, I would invite people over

I wish I could make art

I wish I was prettier

I wish had had more muscle

I wish I had a better body

I wish I had more money

I wish I was thin

I wish I wasn’t sick

Do you do this: attach your happiness to your goals? Goal setting is a noble act, but the steps to the goal are as well. I will actually make a concept map or lists just feel the accomplishment in small steps so that I am also enjoying the path to the goal. Yet what do we do as soon as we achieve our goals? We make another one. During that space between goals, do you savor it? For how long? After the initial elation, does the feeling start to fade to the sensation of lack because there is something else we want to reach to be better? Why do we continue a cycle of scarcity? Is it a culturally imprinted illusion? We live and many of us born into a hustle environment.

Our culture thrives on insatiable drive and I am still trying to decide if that drive is more of a draining of the soul rather than a purposeful pursuit. I think that there is some space between and I have a tough time being in that space despite that it’s uncomfortable standing on the edge. Thoughts?

I took that break and I feel a lot better. I make jam, listen to music and I am actively looking for meaningful work. In the meantime, I stay productive and I am mostly content with my imperfect life.
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Posted in Basic Adulting, mental health

Reconciling Scarcity: “Forces that Shape Health”

When I think about scarcity, I think of the unequal distribution of the words in the image above. Sandro Galea, explains the premise of his book in the World Health Organization Bulletin interview about Galea’s book, Well: what we need to talk about when we talk about health. He talks about a prevention framework that is evidence-based and measurable, yet we don’t choose to invest in the social determinants of health that guide general public decisions about their lives unless there is some money to be made.

Isn’t buying stuff fueling the buzz about self-care? It’s fine to splurge on fun and relaxing experiences, but those are short term. Going to a spa day doesn’t solve fatigue if someone is not getting enough sleep because of work demands…for example.

Anyway, it was a good and short read and you can access it below. I think though that public health professionals can talk and talk about this until they are out of breath. Galea writes this book for general audience and I am grateful for that.

https://www.who.int/bulletin/volumes/97/7/19-030719.pdf?fbclid=IwAR0Rgl5w81L7B1Y_qCyjEIaB6D-HwuCBlHLehC9VrK4lT3acCvttVQXQ_GU

Posted in Basic Adulting, The adult playground

Fear’s Letter

I think the most intangible reason why we quit, don’t start or put off resolutions, intentions and goals is because of our fear. I know that has certainly been my culprit. I just want to stop being so scared. It’s debilitating and I am in my 40s, so I don’t have much time left.

Petticoat Junkshun

I think the most intangible reason why we quit, don’t start or put off resolutions, intentions and goals is because of our fear. I know that has certainly been my culprit. I just want to stop being so scared. It’s debilitating and I am in my 40s, so I don’t have much time left.

I have read Elizabeth Gilbert. That famous book of hers, Eat, Pray, Love.I admit that I also read it during my 30s and had so much disdain for it because of my own self-esteem. I enjoyed the book, but I wasn’t mature enough to really get it. I may have to do a reread.

However, I listen to her commentary more on podcasts and a TED talk. I follow her on Instagram and Twitter and find a lot of inspirational truth in what she says about creativity.

I subscribe to a phone app called Calm…

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There is a little post-trauma stress based on watching my oldest son go through an intense metamorphosis that is part mental illness, part finding an identity, part dismal political and environmental surroundings among other things.  I try to help and then I suck at it because I just fall into what I know how to do: Nag! I am hoping my own growth eliminates this habit.

via Rose Vision: Fake Work Ethic

Rose Vision: Fake Work Ethic

If you read The Three Griefs 2017, you will get a little understanding of what my last year looked like and what has compelled me to write.  I received so much feedback and thoughtful response. My post actually helped others, which was an unexpected outcome helping me and hopefully them feel less alone.  I also had more positive memories about my comadre just last night that didn’t illicit bitterness or anger.  I moved forward. I went from why is this happening to what can I do about it. Powerful.

via 2018: Why is this happening to What do I do.

2018: Why is this happening to What do I do.

So if anyone reads this, I have a friend who told me about the custom of having a “year in black” to signify grief, so people around you are more gentle. I am still wondering how that works with grieving a living person. Nonetheless, I need my year in black and I would appreciate if this cruel world would allow me to have it in 2018. Read more below.

via The Three Griefs 2017

The Three Griefs 2017